Mini 作文批改 Passage 1

在最近的一篇专栏中，我为了满足大家对于低价作文批改服务套餐的呼声，推出了基于 ChatGPT 的作文批改 Mini 卡。然后我用了 46 篇以前改过的作文对 ChatGPT 进行调教，目前它已经基本可以输出可以接受的批改结果。当然，有些中国学生特有的错误，比如中式英语，胡乱替换，还得我进行后期修正。

大家可以看看看批改效果，如果你觉得这个程度的批改已经足够令你满意的话，欢迎联系我购买 Mini 作文批改卡。价格和说明见上一篇专栏文章。

题目：

五月一日是国际劳动节。假定你是学生会主席李华，请以“Labor Creates Happiness”为题，为校英文报写一封倡议书，呼吁同学们过一个有意义的劳动节，内容包括: 1.劳动的意义; 2.具体建议 (至少两条) ; 3.发出呼吁

原文：

As the Labor Day approaches, we are appealing to all of you to engage in laboring and create happiness to others and yourselves.

It's well-known that labor not only bring out happiness and wealth, but produce knowledge and experience. By doing labor, we develop our sense of social responsibility and have valuable insight into working. So as to have an enlightening Labor Day, it always comes first to participate in the family chores and volunteer services in community. You are also encouraged to learn more labor skills that you take an interest in, including cooking and repairing electrical devices, which will definitely benefit you in the future.

Happiness is attained though hard work. Only by labor together can we achieve bright lives.

修改版：

As Labor Day approaches, we appeal to all of you to engage in labor and create happiness for both others and yourselves.

It is well-known that labor not only brings happiness and wealth but also produces knowledge and experience. Through labor, we develop a sense of social responsibility and gain valuable insights into work. To have an enlightening Labor Day, it is important to prioritize participating in family chores and engaging in volunteer services within the community. You are also encouraged to learn more labor skills that you are interested in, such as cooking and repairing electrical devices, which will undoubtedly benefit you in the future.

Happiness is achieved through hard work. Only by working together can we create brighter lives.

批改： 

"appealing to all of you to engage in laboring" should be "appealing to all of you to engage in labor."

解释："engage in labor" 更直接地表示参与劳动的行为，而不是以动名词形式。

"engage in laboring" 应改为 "engage in labor"。

解释：动词 "labor" 表示参与劳动的意思，无需在后面添加 "-ing"。

"bring out happiness and wealth" 应改为 "bring happiness and wealth"。

解释：动词 "bring" 在这里表示带来的意思，后面直接接名词 "happiness" 和 "wealth"，无需使用 "out"。

"produce knowledge and experience" should be "generate knowledge and experience."

解释：在教育和学习的背景下，我们通常使用 "generate" 来描述知识和经验的产生，即通过学习、实践或参与活动而获得新的知识和经验。

"By doing labor" 应改为 "Through labor"。

解释："By doing labor" 表示通过参与劳动的方式，而 "Through labor" 更准确地表示通过劳动的过程。

"develop our sense of social responsibility and have valuable insight into working" should be "develop our sense of social responsibility and gain valuable insights into work."

解释："have valuable insight into working" 表达了对工作的宝贵见解，但在语境中可能有些不准确。"gain valuable insights into work" 则更直接地表明了对工作的宝贵见解的获得。

"insight" 这个词在这里使用时应该是复数形式 "insights"，以表示多个宝贵的见解。

"into working" 表达了对工作本身的见解，但使用 "into work" 更准确地表示对工作的见解。

"So as to have an enlightening Labor Day" 应改为 "To have an enlightening Labor Day"。

解释："So as to" 可以简化为 "To"，表达为了度过有意义的劳动节的意思。

" to participate in the family chores" should be "to prioritize participating in family chores."

解释："to participate in the family chores" 中的 "to" 之前可以使用 "prioritize"，以强调将家务劳动放在首位，即优先考虑家务劳动的重要性。

" volunteer services in community" 应改为 "volunteer services within the community"。

解释： "in community" 应改为 "within the community"，表示在社区内进行志愿服务的意思。

"learn more labor skills" can be improved to "acquire additional practical skills."

解释："learn more labor skills" 表达了获取更多劳动技能的意愿，但可能略显笼统。"acquire additional practical skills" 则更具体地指出获取额外的实用技能。

"that you take an interest in" 应改为 " that interest you"。

解释："that you take an interest in" 可以改为 "that interest you"，表示对你感兴趣的劳动技能。

"Happiness is attained though hard work" 应改为 "Happiness is achieved through hard work"。

解释："attained" 应改为 "achieved"，表示通过辛勤工作获得幸福的意思。though拼写错误

"Only by labor together can we achieve bright lives" 应改为 "Only by working together can we achieve bright lives"。

解释："by labor together" 应改为 "by working together"，表示只有共同努力才能实现更美好生活的意思。