克拉克森：斯塔默救不了带嘤医疗体系
Only half of NHS staff are medically qualified - what do all the others do?
国民医疗服务体系中只有一半的人有医疗资格——那其他人都是干啥的？
Jeremy Clarkson
杰里米·克拉克森
Published: 21:01, 13 Sep 2024
发表于2024年9月13日
WE’VE all known for quite some time that the NHS doesn’t work.
我们都知道英国的国民医疗服务体系根本不起作用。
You’ve got health centres full of GPs who, because they only have schoolboy French, can’t understand what the patient, recently arrived from Somalia, is saying.
保健中心里全是全科医生，但因为这些人只会小学生水平的法语，他们听不懂刚从索马里来的患者在说些什么。
Any more than he could get to grips with exactly what was wrong with the previous patient, who was from Afghanistan.
他所能做的就是把上一个从阿富汗来的患者的病况套过来。
This means people don’t even bother going to the health centre any more.
这意味着人们不用再费心费力去保健中心了。
The queues are too long. So they go instead to A and E, where the queues are even longer.
而且排的队伍非常之长。所以他们转而去了急诊室，结果那儿的队更长。
Meanwhile, we read stories about old men lying in their gardens, after a stroke, for 15 hours because no ambulance is available.
与此同时，我们会读到这样的故事：一名老人因为没有可供使用的救护车而在中风之后在院子里躺了15个小时。
And people with a year to live being told they can’t have their operation until 2027.
还有那些只剩一年活头的人被告知他们要等到三年后才能进行手术。
The NHS was fine when the limits of medical science extended no further than aspirins and bandages, but it simply can’t provide cancer treatment, heart transplants and gender realignment operations, willy nilly, for everyone, for ever.
如果说医学科学只是局限在阿司匹林和绷带的话，那英国的国民医疗服务体系还行。但它不能为所有人提供癌症治疗、心脏移植或者变性手术——不管你愿不愿意——永远不能。
There isn’t enough money in the world for that.
这世上根本没有那么多的钱。
Today though, Sir Starmer is in charge and he reckons that many of these problems could be solved if there was a ban on junk food adverts on television before the 9pm watershed.
不过现在呢，斯塔默爵士负责了国民医疗服务体系。他认为如果在晚上九点的分水岭之前禁播垃圾食品的广告，许多问题都可以迎刃而解。
（分水岭之后允许播放被认为仅适合成熟或成年观众的内容的节目，）
What century is this man living in?
这哥们儿活在哪个世纪呢？
Yes, there was a time when kids all sat around watching Magpie and there was no way to fast forward through the commercial break.
曾经，孩子们会围坐在电视机旁收看《喜鹊之家》（1968-1980年在ITV上播出的一档儿童节目），而电视上的广告时间没有办法快进掉。
But it’s not like that any more. Look at what’s on the commercial television stations in the early evening these days.
但现在情况可不一样了。看看这些电视台每天傍晚时分都在播些什么。
Coronation Street. Cape Verde with Jane McDonald. In For A Penny with Stephen Mulhern. How many kids are watching these shows?
《加冕街》（ITV的一部肥皂剧）、《简·麦克唐纳带你游佛得角》、史蒂芬·穆赫主持的《分角必争》。有多少小孩儿会看这些节目？
I’m going to guess it’s about none.
我猜可能没有吧。
So all a ban on junk food commercials will do is cut down the advertising revenue stream. That won’t help the NHS but it will screw ITV.
所以说对垃圾食品广告的禁令只会减少广告收入。这对国民医疗服务体系起不到什么帮助，但可以搞垮电视台。
And then we have to consider what the Government means when it says “junk food”.
我们还得考虑一下政府所说的“垃圾食品”到底是个啥。
Meat? With Starmer’s lot, that’s not such a silly suggestion.
肉？考虑到斯塔默的情况，这么说也不为过。
I mean, this is a man who thinks “supervised toothbrushing” would also help the NHS.
我的意思是，这哥们儿认为“指导刷牙”可以帮助国民医疗服务体系。
It probably would. But who’s going to do the supervising?
或许可以吧。但谁来做指导呢？
And where? In shopping malls? At cinemas? In schools? “Hi kids. We’re not doing reading and writing this morning. We are all going to clean our teeth.
而且在哪儿做指导呢？商场？电影院？学校？“孩子们，我们今天早上不上读写课了。我们来一起刷牙吧。”
“And then this afternoon, instead of maths, we shall all learn how to wipe our bottoms.”
“今天下午我们也不上数学了，我们来学习如何擦屁股。”
Starmer’s proposals will not really help the NHS because he’s just nibbling at the edge of the issue.
斯塔默的方案不能真正帮到国民医疗服务体系，因为他只是游走于问题的表面。
And nor will it make much difference if he takes a leaf out of Hitler’s book and makes us all do star jumps on the North Sea coast every morning.
哪怕他从希特勒的书里获取灵感，让我们每天早上在北海海岸做跳跃运动也无济于事。
It’s been suggested.
已经有人这么做过了。
What will make a difference is to accept that the NHS employs more people than the Indian railways.
想要做出改变，得意识到国民医疗服务体系雇佣的人比印度铁路还要多。
But only around half are medically qualified. What do all the others do? Find the answer to that and you’re on your way to making a difference.
但其中只有大概一半的人有医疗资格。其他人是干啥吃的？找到这个问题的答案，你就已经开始做出改变了。
Not eating a KitKat? Maybe less so.
不吃巧克力？也许不至于。
原文链接：https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/30429817/only-half-nhs-staff-are-medics-doesnt-work/
原作者：杰里米·克拉克森 Jeremy Clarkson
翻译&校对：ZN
水平有限 恐有纰漏 敬请批评指正